String Theory

We're all puppets...

The Dr. Rathburger Arsenal of Doom

I have but one simple message for those who oppose me... Prepare to meet your DOOM! There is no place so remote that I will not find you! There is no fortress so strong that I can not crush it! Kneel before me and accept me as your emperor, for I am Dr. Otto Rathburger and it is my destiny to RULE THE WORLD! For those of you who doubt my vast powers I have arranged to show you just a small portion of my extensive arsenal of diabolical devices. So you may be asking yourself "Why would this Diabolical Genius show me the weapons he is going to attack me with?" and "Wouldn't it give me a chance to prepare?" Fools! My power is so insurmountable that it will cover the globe like a TSUNAMI of epic proportions! The collected armies of all the world's nations are little more than a band of monkeys fighting over bananas while I, Dr. Otto Rathburger am like the Bawana on Safari that will hunt them down and mount them as trophies in my library!


Dr. Rathburger's Particle Displacement Portal

Dr. Rathburger developed his Particle Displacement Portal to gain access to any fortified location on the planet. Of  course when jumping through a swirling vortex of folded space/time it is important to have a destination in mind and calculating out inter-dimensional rifts is a tricky business even on a good day, but leave it to Dr. Rathburger to challenge fate.








Graviton Projector

The graviton projector was designed by Prof. Balonium and is a device that could potentially serve humanity in thousands of useful functions. With its ability to cancel out Earth's gravitational field, it has the capacity to move any object, including itself, over vast distances with little effort. Note: It is important to bolt this machine down before activating it.





The Iron Warthog

The Iron Warthog was built with the graviton projection device that was designed by Prof. Balonium. Without weight restrictions, Dr. Rathburger has equipped the Iron Warthog with every known weapon of mass destruction has been built into this densely armored juggernaut. This flying fortress is a devastating addition to Dr. Rathburger's arsenal as long as it does not encounter a random electromagnetic pulse that will cause an inverse reaction in the graviton projector and cause it to come crashing down to the Earth in a field of increased gravity, but what's the odds of that happening? 



Sub-Sonic Pulse Emitter Array

The Sub-Sonic Pulse Emitter Array has the ability to send a concentrated cascade of hyper-base sound-waves down into the Earth's core where it is reflected back to the Earth's crust in the form of an earthquake. The actual effects of this device are unpredictable due to the vast distances the sound-waves must travel and the irregular surface of the Earth's core, but mostly because of the annoyance of angry neighbors that will seek out the source of noise and vibrations to shut it down before it has had any effect. 

Warning: this machine is really loud!



 The Wheel of Fate

This rocket-powered steam roller would be a formidable weapon if Dr. Rathburger manages to harness the forces behind this 'Spiky Wheel Of Death'. Unfortunately do to some minor design flaws that caused the Wheel of Fate to break apart the Doctor decided to move on to other more 'Nastier' inventions rather than try to get the main drive wheel back from the villagers who have turned it into a Ferris Wheel.






 The Pyramid of Power

In true Rathburger fashion this throne of power allows its user to force his will into the conscious minds of humanity. The Doctor has not revealed why he wanted to take control of humanity or exactly what he was trying to get everyone to do but there have been speculations that something to do with a diabolical plot involving chewing gum, laundry detergent, knitting needles and the Cardiff Giant. 













The Psychoencephalogram Ray

In his attempt to control the collective will of humanity Dr. Rathburger found it necessary to create a device that can defeat humanity's Collective Unconscious. The Psychoencephalogram Ray acts like a Taser to the synaptic connections to the brain which temporarily shuts down all higher functions and scrambles the thoughts of its victim rendering them completely dysfunctional for a period of approximately twenty-four hours. The exact configuration of this device has been sought out by many world governments, drug companies, and college students as a replacement for drugs and alcohol. 






The Zepplhelm

Are you tired of the high cost of travel and having to share your 'space' with obnoxious salesmen, chatty grandmas that carry encyclopedic photo albums or people with strange body odors on extended flights across the country? The Zepplhelm provides personal freedom and breathtaking views at a very economical price. In addition, this device offers stealthy flight into areas that you might not otherwise be invited. 

Warning: The Zepplhelm is not meant to be operated in high winds or around high-tension powerlines.

From the Labs of Prof. Balonium

Hello, Prof. Dennis Balonium here. I would like to present the limitless science of tomorrow to those of you in need of advancing your cause... that is if you have the proper funding available. I will not hold back any country in need of advance missile systems or other weapons of mass destruction just because the media depicts your leadership as criminal, tyrannical or communist. Everybody deserves a chance to be on top! I am an equal opportunity supplier of the highest quality weapon systems on the planet. If you've got the nerve to deploy it, I've got the nerve to supply it. Nuclear Deterrents, Bio-Chemical Delivery Systems, and Standard Munitions are all produced in our State-of-the-Art facilities here at Balonium Labs. And for the more adventurous nations of the world we even offer Space Programs, Time Travel, and Inter-Dimensional  transit systems. Preferred payment is in gold bullion, refined uranium rods and access to your nation's vital resources. No personal checks please.


Prof. Balonium's Particle Displacement Portal (P.D.P.)

At last humanity has a cure to high gas prices and traffic jams though this doorway through folded space as long as you don't mind being sucked through a swirling vortex. Even the most stable wormhole may have unpredictable results and may deliver you to your destination several days before you left home or send you weeks into the future without your luggage. Just make sure you purchase you return ticket well in advance. 







Unidirectional Magnetic Field Generator


The Unified Magnetic Field Generator was designed by Dr. Rathburger as one of his many doomsday devices. It's long-range projection of magnetons allows it to move objects as far away as meteors and satellites. The magnetic beam can be volatile and subject sudden polarity shifts.

Note: It is a good idea to bolt this machine to the floor before activation.




Mag/Lev Transportation Unit (M.L.T.U.)

This flying saucer was constructed with the Unidirectional Magnetic Field Generator designed by Dr. Rathburger as its propulsion unit and is capable of utilizing a balanced field of magnetic repulsion to move it over the surface of the Earth. It has proven to be a highly stable form of transport as long as it does not encounter any unusual fluctuations in Earth's gravitational field that could flip the vehicle over and send it crashing into Earth in a field of magnetic attraction, but how likely would that be?






Dark Matter Containment Grid (D.M.C.G.)

This device utilizes a graviton web that condenses dark matter into a spherical black mass at its center. The dark matter in turn generates an envelope of null space within its immediate proximity and may shift object out of Earth's reference frame.


Prof. Balonium's Hovercar

This stylish transport unit was originally ordered by a team of super heroes based out of Huston. It carries a wide variety of advanced technological devices that could prove quite useful in battling the forces of villainy, that is if Prof. Balonium had taken the time to properly label the switches on its instrument panel.





Mind Reading Helmet (M.R.H.)

The Mind Reading Helmet has the ability to synchronize the thoughts of one person to another over a limited range. It could potentially revolutionize communications if not for the fact that it becomes impossible to distinguish your own thoughts from the people around you. It is important not to be in the vicinity of idiots while operating this device; you might not like the results.





The Unified Consciousness Device (U.C.D.)

The Unified Consciousness Device has the capacity to link up its user's mind with all the thoughts of half of Earth's population. The only side effects are that if the user's brain doesn't explode upon activation, it could drive drive him permanently insane. These are however, mere trifles in the pursuit of scientific discovery.











The Eagle Eye Radar Kite (E.E.R.K.)

This is first product to be mass marketed by Balonium Industries Inc. to all the global powers through a series of infomercials. The Eagle Eye Radar Kite (E.E.R.K) is a light-weight surveillance device which is easily deployed and operated with a minimal crew at an economical price. So, if you want to know if your enemies are monitoring your activities with an E.E.R.K. we strongly suggest you pick up several of them yourself to keep an eye on your competition.


More Diabolical Devices...

To see even more diabolical devices please visit the following websites: